Category Archives: cricket

cricket, ipl

What the doctor ordered!

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AI – Ad Industry
Doc – The Wise Doc

AI : Doc – we need a way to show ads on prime time.
Doc : Ok?

AI : We need to show ads every 2 minutes
Doc : Hmm.

AI : Is it even possible or are we greedy?
Doc : Any thing is possible my dear AI. There is a religion worshipped by Indians that we can exploit. It is called Cricket. Let us come up with a 20 over format and force the players to play fast – so you can show ads every 2 minutes – between the overs. Also encourage the batsmen to treat their wickets with scant respect – so they will get out quicker – and you can show more ads during that time.

AI : What about replays?
Doc : Screw the replays – no one will care how the batsman got out – either he will be clean bowled or caught somewhere on the boundary line.

AI : That is wonderful. God bless your wisdom tooth.
Doc : You are welcome my dear friend. Even though you did not ask I will give you one more opportunity to show more ads – introduce a “strategic time-out”. The viewer will now wait eagerly and guess the new strategy – and meanwhile he will watch all the ads you throw at him.

AI : Brilliant.

And so happened IPL1, IPL2, IPL3…. and so the soap mobile soda sellers became rich, the cricketainers become richer, the worshippers wasted their prime years watching cricket and tweeting and blogging.. err..hmm..ok bye 🙂

cricket, ipl

3 Reasons why India should stick just to IPL

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I wasted sleep yesterday night to watch Indians play test cricket and lose. And here is my advise to India – stick to IPL and do not bother about playing world cups. 

3. Better Prime time

In this world cup India matches start(ed) at night 10.00PM. Given that only Indians watch cricket how can they schedule all India games at 10.00PM? You are wondering about the non-Indians sitting in the stadium? –  they were brought to the stadium with beer – like how they do in Indian elections. 

With IPL the game bends for you. Games start at 3.00PM to kill afternoon boredom at office and they give a break so commuters can fight the way through traffic and reach on time to watch the next match at 7.00PM. And go to sleep at night 10.00PM. Early to bed and early to rise – IPL is good for your health.

2.  Guaranteed Runs

In IPL, any team will have 2 good bowlers and the rest will be like henchmen in movies who are there to be beaten up. So just save your wickets till the henchmen come on the scene. And to support the super star batsmen are the flat pitches. There is guaranteed fireworks in every match.

World cup is so boring. It is like watching a one day – too many dots because of good bowlers. And the pitches are not flat. All the balls keep coming to the chest or face and poor Suresh Raina, Rohit Sharma, Jadeja cannot handle them  – so unfair.

1. You never lose

I was rooting for Chennai Super Kings till they lost. And Bangalore, my adopted city, reached finals. I conveniently changed my allegiance. You cannot do this with the world cup. Since India is gone I cannot start rooting for another country – there is no fun in watching a game without rabidly supporting a team.

In IPL and the Amru sports – like the world series or super bowl – no one goes home sad. At times you watch a game supporting for both the teams. I watched a world series once where I supported New York Yankees because of Derek Jeter and also at the same time rooted for Boston Red Socks – because they had flair and their players had unkempt hair and were such mavericks. 

So Modi, I hope you are listening. Increase the IPL games and we will all be winners. 

cricket, india

IPL 09 or Election 09 – which is the best entertainment?

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I feel Election 09 is more wholesome entertainment than IPL 09 – here is my top 5 reasons.
5. Cricket is a boring sport and IPL is trying to make it interesting and is quite successful in it. Politics has been the world’s most oldest profession/game/sport and Elections make it really interesting. So no contest in this front.
4. IPL has got too many statistics – Net run rate, Batsman’s average, Bowlers average – it all confuses me and is too much for my mind. I like what Election 09 is going to throw up – all within 545 seats distributed among 1025 parties – and you can play the permutation and combination to see who can make the magic 272 – except make sure you dont club the 2 big parties ( now why don’t they partner for a change…that will be fun!)
3. IPL needs gimmicks like cheer leaders, bollywood actress and actors to keep people glued to the screen. Netas need no help from any quarters. They goof up enough, say outrageous things, call names of their opponents – its like reliving kindergarden once again. 
2. IPL is short lived. You have it for a few weeks and then its all over. But Election 09 is going to continue for ever – according to most of the predictions it is going to be a hung assembly. It is bad for the economy but good for TV, Newspaper, Coffee machine gossip. A humble farmer, a 10000 shoe owner, a buffalo milker – everyone has a chance to lead us now. Tell me can IPL give you so much of thrill – that too not for just a couple of weeks – but for the many months to come? 
1. Best reason of all – IPL is a non entity in the world’s eyes – except Australia, SouthAfrica, Indian sub continent. No not England – they invented Cricket and pushed it down our throats – but now have switched to Soccer. But Election 09 will keep Mr.Obama, Zardari, Sarkozky, Putin – all glued to the television sets, twitter accounts or whatever – to find out how the political landscape is shaping. Which language should these leaders start learning – the language of the cows, language of the soil, language of kids ( hehe 🙂 )? 
We are giving them nervous breakdowns – because like it or not India is on the highway to becoming a super power and Election 09 is going to be a major event in the World’s history. IPL is a mere blip. Forget Mc.Cain vs Obama battle – that was nothing. Lets watch Congress vs BJP vs Third Front vs We-are-not-the-fourth-front vs The-unknown-front-to-be-formed after election front.
So, get ready by stocking up on Filter Coffee. Cut down on your morning jogging routine to give more time for reading Newspaper. Things are going to get very interesting. Trust me – you will not bother reading the sports page.
 
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Should I eat my humble pie now?

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Ahem..Dravid has now scored a century. Perhaps he read my blog and got angry and wanted to prove a point. Anyway hats off to you Mr.Dravid. May India win.

But here is some statistics I painstakingly gathered  – The total runs scored by Dravid in the last 10 matches – in both the innings.
47 – V South Africa
24 – V Sri LAnka
46 – V Sri Lanka
78 – V Sri Lanka
56 – V Australia
39 – V Australia ( he did not bat the second innings though)
22 – V Australia
03 – V Australia
07 – V England
136 – V England ( only the 1st innings score )
I rest my case. 
It is time to retire – when you have scored a century. You have contributed immensely to Indian cricket. Scoring 10,000 runs is a major feat. You have delighted the world and us with your stroke play. But the time has come – let us see more Dravids emerging out – give them a chance.
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and I give Dravid Man of the Match award

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The man-of-the-match award committee did not give Dravid the man of the match award – they are a bunch of fools anyway. But I confer the man of the match award to Rahul Dravid. 

Why?
No one deserves the award better than Dravid. He faced 19 balls and scored 4 runs ( see my earlier post about 5 opt repeated cliches – point no. 5 – I still have some cricket left ). After 19 balls he sacrificed his wicket so India can go and win the match.  He could have easily wasted 113 balls to score 5 runs – and then get out – so that the asking rate is impossible to achieve, and also the other batsman would have lost all interest in playing cricket. But he did not do such a thing. The noble soul sacrificed his wicket for a just cause. He deserves to be honoured.
Also he pleasantly surprised the poor crowd who had come to see a defeat or a draw. Man of the match always should be given to the ad model who is instrumental in shaping the victory – who else is responsible for paving the way for an India win other than Dravid. 
You think I should be voted the man-of-the-match award committee chairman? Thanks. I am flattered !!